I’ve made numerous friends over the years but also fallen out of touch with some. My travel schedule as well as their own busy lives sometimes just leads to less communication- even by email. It’s surprising just how many years can go by before realizing how we’ve disconnected.
I did however, recently hear from an old pal who had unfortunately lost her husband a few years ago.
It’s kind of difficult to imagine this happy, optimistic person I remembered in such a sad state. However, she revealed how the emotional trauma made for an extremely difficult situation at one point. But surprisingly to her, she had suffered many physical problems too.
“I was moving at a snail’s pace, yet my blood pressure was up, I threw my back out and was suffering from horrible headaches. If that weren’t enough, I was exhausted but could not sleep.”
Grief is one of the most significant and difficult emotions a person can experience. Numerous theories exist of how the grief process or the stages of grief occur. In addition, so many other emotions can be intertwined within the process such as guilt, sadness, disbelief or shock and even denial.
Given those emotional stressors, the body’s physical reaction to grief is not surprising. Some physical symptoms of grief can be decreased muscular strength, a general feeling of tension, shortness of breath, changes in sleeping and eating habits and headaches.
A person may appear to be moving very slowly but they are experiencing inner turmoil. Shallow breathing, increased heart rate and blood pressure occur due to the anxiety. “It seemed to take me twice as long to do basic things like get my son ready for school. Yet, I thought my heart would physically beat right out of my chest.”
The grief process is unique for everyone, so there really are no special rules of what “everyone” should do. However, it is important to be aware of your physical health during this process. You need to care for yourself physically as well as emotionally.
The same general advice for good health still applies.
Get exercise – even just walking to improve stamina. The body needs physical movement to prevent unnecessary weight gain and improve muscle tone.
Eat properly. Some people practically discontinue eating which gives the body no fuel to turn into much needed energy. Or, they crave and eat “comfort foods” which also leads to weight gain and provides little nutritional benefit.
Relax. The mind and body deserve a break and healthy deep breathing should be practiced. Anxiety can lead to shallow breathing – which can in turn manifest into more shallow breathing. This lack of oxygen is unhealthy.
Meanwhile, you of course need to tend to your emotional health too. Some find great help in one on one talk therapy, others prefer support groups or just surrounding themselves with people who know and understand what a difficult time it is. Accepting that grief is occurring makes it possible to start working through it.
I would never suggest one attempt to “hurry the process along.” Researchers and those who have gone through it all agree that time is key in coming to terms with loss. There is no prescribed timetable as each loss is unique.
My friend said she accepts that she will always feel the loss and will forever miss her husband. But it no longer sits in the forefront of her mind. She started taking stock of her physical and emotional health and chose to make some changes.
“I started to sort of meditate- or at least sit quietly and inhale deeply and exhale slowly when I felt anxious. I also started a walking regimen. This led to improved sleep which then led to the ability to better concentrate on daily activities such as paying bills, going to the grocery store and most importantly parenting my son – who was also grieving.”
The headaches began to dissipate, and her blood pressure has returned to normal. Even better, her outlook on life in general again seems optimistic.
If you are struggling with any of these issues, I also suggest a number of natural programs. My High Blood Pressure Program, Weight Loss Breeze Program and Migraine/Headache Relief Programs are all extremely effective. In addition, I will soon be rolling out the Insomnia Program.
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